Waking up from dead (dead inside)
Dead inside. Yes I was. But a simple word had saved me. The one word, that most of us always taking for granted.
I was stres with works. It's not really about the load of the work. But because it doesn't give me a satifaction. No excitement. Plus, I kept stumbled with the peoples that always gave me a hard time.
I was always wanted to become a project manager. I am an IT technical guy. Dealing with data integration, reports, database etc. I don't know how. But eventually my boss promoted me as a project manager. I should be happy because I don't have prior experience of managing project or possess any cert related. But no. I'm not happy.
On personal level, I was stressed by my wife's unhappiness of her work. She keeps complaining about it and told me how much she hated it. Everyday. She always stress when she think about it and how much she wanted to quit. Just quit. No plan or whatsoever. For me, this could mean there will be a lot of financial impact to our family. I'm stress. But I kept it secret.
So how was I? I was down. Each morning, it would be hard for me to wake up for work. I pushed myself to wake up by telling myself my work is not just for me. But to serve others. I smile on the outside but on the inside I was unhappy. I had backache, headache etc. While I'm at work, I kept thinking how good it will be if I am at home. Just spend my time with my little ones. But not with my wife.
One morning, it changed...
I was listening to Ted Talk on my way to work. It was played on YouTube randomly. Not knowing it will be the one that change my life.
I didn't realize how powerful is a gratitude. Started next morning onwards, it had became a habit to me to think of three things that I am grateful about. It can be anything. But be really grateful. Not just an empty feeling. Feel it. I immersed myself in it. Then I really feel what I'm really grateful about.
I realized one thing that day. Gratitude had changed how I view the world, the problem, the challenge, the shortcoming and all. I began to feel happy.
On work part, I was grateful that I have a job. A job that I really wish for a long time. How lucky I am to get what I want. I think again. Lot's of people I know struggle to get a job. Without a job, it's hard to keep a family fed, clothes, etc. I have a job!. And with a decent pay! Why I am not seeing this at the first place? It's not just for other people. I myself should appreciate what I have. Issue at work also not becoming a problem with me anymore. I am grateful with all the issues because I am learning a lot as a Project Manager. On people, I felt more empathy to the people that always give other people hard time. I am not mad with them anymore. It makes me wanted to know more why they acted that way and actually get to know them personally. This helps me to act profesional and separate work and personal stuff.
On personal part, I was grateful for my wife and kids. I'm grateful because eventhough she was stressed and keeps complaining about her work, she never stop taking care of the family. I realized how tired she was doing chores around home and taking care of the us. I was unaware all this while on how much she had done for us. But when I am being grateful, I just love her more. I became sympathy with her on her problem with works. I am kinder and softer to her. I tried as much as I can to accomodate her feelings and her needs eventhough I believe she didn't realize it. Sometime she think I have not done enough. I get that. She is tired. She might not see what I have done or what I have helped. I don't want to highlight about it. She didn't bring up what she does. Why should I?
With my kids, I'm becoming better with them too. I also can see that they're happier. The elder one started to tell the story about her school, friends and what she have done for the day. We becoming closer. Why? Because I'm grateful to have kids. Thinking back, me and my wife was struggle to get a child. Now we've two. Although it was 5 years apart. I am also grateful to be able to spend time with them. I know some of my friend's are unable to be with their family due to work. But I am able to spend time with them each day although it is just at night.
I feel alive again. Colorful and happier. Only one word have turned me around. IT IS GRATITUDE.
Source for meme: https://www.memedroid.com/memes/tag/dead+inside
Source on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtDdHINJ6ls&t=16s
On personal level, I was stressed by my wife's unhappiness of her work. She keeps complaining about it and told me how much she hated it. Everyday. She always stress when she think about it and how much she wanted to quit. Just quit. No plan or whatsoever. For me, this could mean there will be a lot of financial impact to our family. I'm stress. But I kept it secret.
So how was I? I was down. Each morning, it would be hard for me to wake up for work. I pushed myself to wake up by telling myself my work is not just for me. But to serve others. I smile on the outside but on the inside I was unhappy. I had backache, headache etc. While I'm at work, I kept thinking how good it will be if I am at home. Just spend my time with my little ones. But not with my wife.
One morning, it changed...
I was listening to Ted Talk on my way to work. It was played on YouTube randomly. Not knowing it will be the one that change my life.
I didn't realize how powerful is a gratitude. Started next morning onwards, it had became a habit to me to think of three things that I am grateful about. It can be anything. But be really grateful. Not just an empty feeling. Feel it. I immersed myself in it. Then I really feel what I'm really grateful about.
I realized one thing that day. Gratitude had changed how I view the world, the problem, the challenge, the shortcoming and all. I began to feel happy.
On work part, I was grateful that I have a job. A job that I really wish for a long time. How lucky I am to get what I want. I think again. Lot's of people I know struggle to get a job. Without a job, it's hard to keep a family fed, clothes, etc. I have a job!. And with a decent pay! Why I am not seeing this at the first place? It's not just for other people. I myself should appreciate what I have. Issue at work also not becoming a problem with me anymore. I am grateful with all the issues because I am learning a lot as a Project Manager. On people, I felt more empathy to the people that always give other people hard time. I am not mad with them anymore. It makes me wanted to know more why they acted that way and actually get to know them personally. This helps me to act profesional and separate work and personal stuff.
On personal part, I was grateful for my wife and kids. I'm grateful because eventhough she was stressed and keeps complaining about her work, she never stop taking care of the family. I realized how tired she was doing chores around home and taking care of the us. I was unaware all this while on how much she had done for us. But when I am being grateful, I just love her more. I became sympathy with her on her problem with works. I am kinder and softer to her. I tried as much as I can to accomodate her feelings and her needs eventhough I believe she didn't realize it. Sometime she think I have not done enough. I get that. She is tired. She might not see what I have done or what I have helped. I don't want to highlight about it. She didn't bring up what she does. Why should I?
With my kids, I'm becoming better with them too. I also can see that they're happier. The elder one started to tell the story about her school, friends and what she have done for the day. We becoming closer. Why? Because I'm grateful to have kids. Thinking back, me and my wife was struggle to get a child. Now we've two. Although it was 5 years apart. I am also grateful to be able to spend time with them. I know some of my friend's are unable to be with their family due to work. But I am able to spend time with them each day although it is just at night.
I feel alive again. Colorful and happier. Only one word have turned me around. IT IS GRATITUDE.
Source for meme: https://www.memedroid.com/memes/tag/dead+inside
Source on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtDdHINJ6ls&t=16s
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